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Bush Administration Announces Plans to Begin Outsourcing U.S. Military Personnel to Iraq from India.

While making rounds on the usual Sunday morning news circuit today, Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced plans to begin the outsourcing of U.S. military operations to Iraq from Bangalore, India and neighboring provinces. Said Gates, "The President has heard Congress' complaints about the escalating cost of the freedom in Iraq." He's decided the best way to reduce those costs and expand corporate tax cuts is to contract out the majority of combat operations. Transportation and fuel costs alone will be reduced 70% due to the proximity of the two locations to one another." White House spokesperson Dana Perino confirmed that the $670 billion dollar annual savings will allow the U.S. to continue to fight Al Quaeda in Iraq for an additional twenty years if neccessary, but emphasized that American presence in Iraq has never been open ended. During his weekly radio address, the President dismissed intelligence reports stating that Osama Bin Laden is hiding in the mountainous regions of Pakistan and says he is actually still in Iraq planning the next 9/11. Said the Giuliani campaign, "Late next October, if possible"

Democratic critics of the Presidents plan have stated that the president is simply looking for a way to reduce the size of the military obligation without actually being accountable for victory in Iraq. Senate Armed Services Committee chairman Carl Levin (D-Mich.) rebuked the plan by saying Indian forces won't receive any better training than the Iraqi police have. Internal documents leaked by an anonymous official within the Office of Management and Budget confirmed suspicions when they revealed that armored tank orders were decreased fifty percent while future orders for curry spices and flag draped coffins had been dramatically increased.

Contract bids have already poured in from several Indian outsource firms. The Mumbai based firm Can-Do Hindu! is projected to be awarded the most bids with its average per capita monthly expense of only $6 per soldier. In exchange, Indian officials will mandate that more Indian firms establish more of their corporate call centers in Middle America. Speaking this morning through an interpreter, Indian industrialist and steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal said that he cannot wait to visit his new call centers in Kenosha, WI and North Platte, NE.